I am also sorry I haven't posted here in a long time. Tumblr ate me...
- Current Mood: happy
Secondly, my friends Rainbow and Young Child are now dating!!! Yay lesbian love!!!
As a pansexual, I'm very happy for them. As a friend, I'm ecstatic!
They're actually both bi... but whatevs :)
So they're only telling a few people but it's gonna be a great ride!
Anyways.. I'm just happy... but dos anyone have any idea how I should tell my bf I'm pan?
Alrighty, here goes it!
<lj-cut text= "The Sporking">
Title: My Twilight Story!
Summary: This is my first story poseted ever!
I didn’t know poseted was a word… oh well, I guess you learn new things every day. And shouldn’t that sentence technically be “This is the first story I’ve ever posted!”?
t's just a littl story
*Sighs* Okay…. “Little” has an “e” on the end.
f my version of how edward tells Bella he's a vampire
ldquo;Edward” should be capitalized – and Sedieshipper56wizards knows that! She did it for “Bella”, after all. Did Deadward do something to offend you, and now you think his name doesn’t deserve to be capitalized? Oh, and there should be a comma after the word “vampire”
and how there relationship blooms!
I really, really hate it when people get there, their, and they’re mixed up. It makes me want to throw a dictionary at them.
I suck at summaries :/
Are you just saying that so we’ll reassure you and tell you that “no, you’re good at summaries”? I think you are. *points an accusing finger* Well, you know what? I happen to agree with you! You do suck at summaries! Congrats for figuring it out!
Anyways… On to the actual sporking!
Or, rather, the authors note.
hey so this is my first ever story wrote for the public.
Good for you! I, however, will not go easy on you. Tough. Luck. And capitalize your sentence beginnings goddammit! ….. I’m starting a count.
PLEASE PRESS THE SHIFT KEY: 2
so reviews would be appreciated good or bad.
PLEASE PRESS THE SHIFT KEY: 3
Is it really that hard to use a shift key? Just once at the beginning of every sentence?
will try to update everyday but I might not be able to because of school and homework and all :(
Why every day? Updating once a week is much more sensible.
so hope you like emmm ...
his is basically just a bit of Bella and Edward love!
Love? Oh, you mean stalking, manipulation and general creepiness.
n this story she has already met Jacob at the beach and they are now pretty close friends.
PLEASE PRESS THE SHIFT KEY: 4
One conversation in which Bella manipulates Jacob does not mean “pretty close friends”. And for god’s sake! CAPITALIZATION AT THE FRONT OF YOUR SENTENCES!!!
he also knows about Jacob being a werewolf.
Hmm… I’m pretty sure Jacob isn’t a werewolf in Twilight (the book where Bella finds out about sparklepires). Anyone besides Sedieshipper56wizards disagree?
disclaimer: I don't own anything just the plot lines and maybe a few extra characters im not sure yet :)
PLEASE PRESS THE SHIFT KEY: 5
I’m, not im. And stop smiling, so far your writing is shit! And this is just the authors note!
Now onto the story…
Why do people feel the need to do this? It is both tiresome and bad writing.
I woke up again.
Good for you. *Pats Bella on the head*
It was 4am!
I had repeated the same nightmare again!
Oh, great. Bella’s having another symbolic dream… and this one looks to be even stupider and littered with even more dead herrings then the ones SMeyer herself makes up.
I was getting sick of them now each time there exactly the same.
A wild tense change appears! Quick, catch it!
It always started with me and Edward ,my boyfriend of a week,
I totally read that as “boyfriend of the week”.
and we would always be hanging out and the sun would be shining and I would ask if we could go out into the sun and he would always reply with "Bella you know I can't" but I didn't he only ever told me that the sun would show me 'the him I couldn't ever be with'.
That is a huge run on sentence. We also get a big fat dead herring. Count, anyone?
DEAD HERRINGS: 1
And the “him I couldn’t ever be with”? *Sporfle*
Then Jacob would knock the Cullen's front door
Where would Jacob knock the Cullen’s front door? And why would he even be knocking on the Cullens front door? It is stupid in the extreme.
and he and Edward would get into a fight and end up in sunlight. But before I could see what happened to Edward he runs off into the trees that are close by
Well, isn’t that convenient?
DEAD HERRINGS: 2
nd then Jacob would attack him and bite his neck!
DEAD HERRINGS: 3
Is Jacob trying to be a vampire? *Suspicion*
And that's where I would wake up screaming.
What about this warrants screaming?
Charlie gave up coming to me ow
ecause I couldn't properly tell him
Aww, do you still tell daddy your dreams?
because i couldn't expose Jacob. Charlie didn't know he was werewolf only I knew!
Jacob. Is. Not. A. Werewolf. Yet!
There should be a comma between “werewolf” and “only”. Also, Bella, sweetie, you are having a dream. Dreams are not reality (unless, of course, you’re Miss Beautiful Swan over here, but I digress), and Charlie would not think Jacob was a werewolf simply because you dreamed it.
But me being the human I am
*snarks* That is a really awkward way to say “but because I’m a lowly, undeserving human”.
I'm not supposed to know about it, he could be killed for it if anyone ever found I knew.
Where the fuck did the author get that from?! The werewolves wouldn’t kill Ephraim Black’s grandson for simply telling a human! Even with the Volturi, it was always Bella they were going to kill. Never Deadward, or anyone else in the Cullen Clan.
I hear a Knock on my window, as if someone was throwing stones at my window!
I wonder what is happening? *Pulls a sarcastic smirk.* Couldn’t possibly be someone throwing stones at her window! And we also have a Random Capitalization…hmmm… I should start a count!
RANDOM CAPITALIZATION: 1
slowly, cautiously got up and headed towards my window. I built up all my courage and opened my window and peeked out ...
Why are you so fucking scared? If someone was throwing rocks at my window, I’d be climbing out of it and shooting them with my BB-gun.
It was the most beautiful person I knew with his bronze eyes and honey-brown un-tidy hair and his perfect kissable lips ... it was Edward.
Ew. *Summons a black hole and barfs into it* That was bad…. Check your spelling, sweetie.
I whisper shouted at him saying " Edward what are you doing here, we could both get in trouble for this".
Look-y here, everyone! Bella’s being sensible! And will someone please tell me what a “whisper shout” is?
All he did was give me one of his crooked smirks that make me go weak at the knees at whispered me to move backwards.
Stop being so arrogant, Deadward! I want to smack you with a shovel!
e had something to tell me. It was at that precise moment in time that a shed of hope surged through me.
To buy a shed of hope, call 1-800-777-1234! Or visit our website, www.shedsofhope.com!
I hoped he was going to tell me about who 'the him who I could never be with was'.
The next thing I knew he was in my bedroom lay on my bed! I must have day dreamt a bit too much.
We just stayed there in comfortable silence
How is it comfortable if you didn’t want him to be there in the first place? He just committed massive douchery by invading your privacy! If my boyfriend decided to climb into my window just after I’d told him not to I would be mad. Oh, wait, this is Deadward and Miss Beautiful Swan. They don’t have a normal relationship…. *rubs temples*
and eventually I just moved round and lay on my bed as well. He pulled me into his side and we started snuggling.
But no, you just craw back into his arms like a typical abuse victim! “Oh, he was only disrespecting me and invading my privacy for my own good!” *Growls*
hen I decided to break the silence "so ... did you by any chance come to tell me about 'the you I could never be with'?
_ “No,” Edward said softly. Something in his voice had changed, and Bella heard it.
“No?” She asked petulantly. “Why not?”
“Because I’m going to show you!”
Bella tried to speak, but Edward’s hand was over her mouth, muffling any noise she made. His other hand was effortlessly pinning her to the bed. Bella stared into Edward’s eyes, and would have gasped in shock if she could; because Edward’s eyes were black, not just the iris but the entire eye! They gleamed with a wild, burning hunger that made Bella feel faint. What was he?
Edward leaned over, and ever so gently placed his lips on her neck. “It smells delicious,” he murmured, and his voice was… reverent?
Bella was still trying to make sense of everything that was happening when Edward roughly bit into her neck. Her last, anguished cry of pain was stifled by the cold, vice-like hand covering her mouth. She felt herself getting weaker, she felt exhausted! Bella was slipping away, away…
When Edward was done feeding, he licked the blood off his lips with slow, sensuous pleasure. He had cared mildly for it, but it had ultimately annoyed him. No matter. It’s worth was gone; the sweet, bacon-y blood was coursing through his veins now. Edward gave the corpse one final, dispassionate glance before gliding back out of the window, his eyes a bright, glistening crimson._
*shakes self* I wish that had happened! Hope you all liked my spitefic, guys! Unfortunately, this is what actually happens:
e slightly turned towards me and said ... "Yes but on one condition" I jumped at the chance and agreed.
…While I love a good secret, I think it would be wise to find out what the condition is. It could be “if I tell you, you have to be killed.” So…. ten bucks she’s gonna regret it! Any takers?
To instantly regret it.
He told me the condition was I could never tell anyone not even Charlie, My Father.
RANDOM CAPITALIZATION: 3
Why is this such a terrible thing? You’re already hiding Jacob’s secret, and in canon all you do is lie to and deceive your father! So why is this so bad?
I thought about it and agreed ..
Wait! Hadn’t you already said yes? Sedieshipper56wizards’s non-continuity is really getting to me. This story has no point!
He started " Bella, love, I'm a Vampire".
RANDOM CAPITALIZATION: 4
Actually, I liked that bit better than the book. No pussyfooting around the word “vampire”, no “say it, bitch!” Just a simple, straightforward “I’m a vampire”. It’s refreshing.
Everything sunk into place, his super speed, strength, Pale skin and lack of eating!
RANDOM CAPITALIZATION: 5
But everything shouldn’t sink into place! Nothing except for lack of eating human food is a traditional vampire trait! Why the fuck does it suddenly all make sense?
I just sat there in shock!
HaHa! so what did you think?
Wait, was that the ending? Anyways…
PLEASE PRESS THE SHIFT KEY: 6
I think your story is absolutely horrible. There is no point and it is chock full of bad grammar, run on sentences, and a whole lot of “this makes absolutely no fucking sense”.
review please next chapter should be up tomorrow unless I am giving lots of homework I'll try my hardest!
PLEASE PRESS THE SHIFT KEY: 7
I hope you get fifty gazillion hours of homework. *seething*
sorry about any grammar mistakes and all! Xoxo
PLEASE PRESS THE SHIFT KEY: 8
You should be sorry for a lot more then grammar mistakes….
Aaaaaaaand the counts are!
RANDOM CAPITALIZATION: 5
PLEASE PRESS THE SHIFT KEY: 8
DEAD HERRINGS: 3Now, I’m off! Bye folks! *Apparates off of her sporking cloud*<-